archive

2007


Brando - Method Acting
Nicholson
Total Actor content

mono2 -- acting & video?

Potemkin
I know I have already perfomed this by hay a little late is better 
then never. 
   =Matt Miller

[ Comedic monologue ]

Actor: My resume. 
Oh, first I should mention that I could play any of the parts in 
this play. Any. I could play an ant, I could play Little Red Riding 
Hood, I could play Hamlet. I've never heard of this play, as a 
matter of fact. It doesn't matter. I can do opera, I can do 
commercials, I can sing soprano, I can do my own stunts- I'm that 
versatile. Leading man, leading lady, gay, you name it, I can do it. 
That's how great I am. I see you looking over my resume. Noticing 
I've never had a part. It's a real comment on this sick business 
we're in, isn't it? An actor this good (he thumps his chest ) and 
he's blackballed! Why? For refusing to show up at auditions! 
Auditions are beneath me. I wipe my feet on them. People should be 
begging me to grace their theatres- producers should be asking me to 
audition them! But those egomaniacs who should bow and scrape before 
me - they have forced me to betray my principles and come to this 
(said with utter contempt) audition. 
So no, no, don't blame me for demeaning myself in this grotesque 
position… I've waited ten years for them to come crawling… but 
suffice it to say they were too wrapped up in their own insane… 
trivium to get the hint. But enough of them. Let's get to the 
situation at hand. You're sitting there typecasting me as a leading 
man aren't you? You're thinking that because of my matinee idol 
glorious good looks, and rich, sensuous, sexy, seductive, fetching, 
effervescent, tingly and charming voice, I could only play a male 
lead. No, I tell you, no! Observe! An ant! (He crawls along the 
floor in a normal way.) And now, King Lear! (He opens his umbrella 
and pretends, in an awkward mime, to be blown around the stage.) I 
needn't mention, of course, that that was the fabulous storm scene, 
out on the heath. And now, Brutus, impaled on his own sword! (Closes 
the umbrella, stabs himself with it in the stomach. Dies, rather 
flatly.) 
And here's a homicidal lunatic: Give me the part or I'll kill you! 
I'll poke out the vile grape jelly of your eyes with the point of my 
umbrella! I've been waiting ten years for this! (Puts the umbrella 
down.) 
OK. All the parts. I should play all the parts in you little 
production. Capiche? Capiche. Note the mastery of the Spanish 
dialect. I do it all. Now, with that in mind, here's my… (Abrupt 
pause) 
What do you mean my time's up? I haven't done my monologue yet! 
(Beat) What do you mean, next? Where do you get off saying next?! I 
memorized this thing! I took the bus here! I elbowed my way ahead of 
dozens of pushy actors and still had to wait a half hour to get in 
here! I wanna do my audition!