Title: Burying The Cat

            From: Monty Python's Flying Circus

  Transcribed By: Jonathan Partington



 

Mrs. Conclusion (Chapman): Hullo, Mrs. Premise.

Mrs. Premise (Cleese):	   Hullo, Mrs. Conclusion.

Conclusion: Busy Day?

Premise:    Busy? I just spent four hours burying the cat.

Conclusion: *Four hours* to bury a cat?

Premise:    Yes - it wouldn't keep still.

Conclusion: Oh - it wasn't dead, then?

Premise:    No, no - but it's not at all well, so as we were going to be on the

	    safe side.

Conclusion: Quite right - you don't want to come back from Sorrento to a dead

	    cat.  It'd be so anticlimactic.  Yes, kill it now, that's what I

	    say.  We're going to have to have our budgie put down.

Premise:    Really - is it very old?

Conclusion: No, we just don't like it.	We're going to take it to the vet

	    tomorrow.

Premise:    Tell me, how do they put budgies down, then?

Conclusion: Well, it's funny you should ask that, because I've just been

	    reading a great big book about how to put your budgie down, and

	    apparently you can either hit them with the book, or you can shoot

	    them just there, just above the beak.

Premise:    Just there?  Well, well, well.  'Course, Mrs Essence flushed hers

	    down the loo.

Conclusion: No, you shouldn't do that - no, that's dangerous.  They *breed* in

	    the *sewers*!